Accepting Setbacks: Wisdom from Five Decades of Creative Journey

Experiencing denial, especially when it recurs often, is far from pleasant. Someone is declining your work, delivering a definite “Not interested.” As a writer, I am no stranger to setbacks. I started submitting story ideas half a century past, just after finishing university. From that point, I have had several works declined, along with book ideas and many pieces. In the last two decades, specializing in commentary, the rejections have only increased. In a typical week, I get a setback every few days—adding up to in excess of 100 each year. Overall, rejections in my profession number in the thousands. Today, I could have a master’s in handling no’s.

So, is this a self-pitying tirade? Far from it. As, finally, at 73 years old, I have come to terms with being turned down.

By What Means Have I Managed It?

For perspective: By this stage, nearly every person and their relatives has rejected me. I haven’t counted my win-lose ratio—that would be very discouraging.

As an illustration: recently, an editor nixed 20 submissions in a row before approving one. Back in 2016, at least 50 publishing houses declined my manuscript before a single one approved it. A few years later, 25 representatives rejected a book pitch. One editor suggested that I send potential guest essays only once a month.

The Steps of Setback

Starting out, all rejections were painful. I took them personally. I believed my work was being turned down, but who I am.

No sooner a submission was turned down, I would begin the phases of denial:

• First, surprise. How could this happen? How could these people be blind to my ability?
• Next, refusal to accept. Surely you’ve rejected the incorrect submission? It has to be an mistake.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What do any of you know? Who appointed you to hand down rulings on my work? They’re foolish and the magazine is subpar. I reject your rejection.
• After that, irritation at them, then frustration with me. Why would I put myself through this? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, negotiating (often accompanied by delusion). What will it take you to recognise me as a exceptional creator?
• Then, depression. I’m no good. Worse, I’ll never be accomplished.

I experienced this for decades.

Great Company

Naturally, I was in good company. Accounts of writers whose manuscripts was at first turned down are plentiful. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Virtually all renowned author was originally turned down. Since they did succeed despite no’s, then perhaps I could, too. Michael Jordan was cut from his youth squad. Many Presidents over the last 60 years had been defeated in elections. Sylvester Stallone estimates that his Rocky screenplay and attempt to appear were turned down repeatedly. “I take rejection as a wake-up call to wake me up and get going, not backing down,” he stated.

The Seventh Stage

Then, as I reached my 60s and 70s, I entered the last step of rejection. Peace. Now, I grasp the many reasons why a publisher says no. To begin with, an reviewer may have recently run a comparable article, or be planning one in progress, or simply be contemplating something along the same lines for another contributor.

Alternatively, less promisingly, my idea is of limited interest. Or maybe the editor believes I am not qualified or reputation to succeed. Or isn’t in the market for the work I am offering. Or was busy and scanned my work hastily to appreciate its abundant merits.

Feel free call it an epiphany. Everything can be declined, and for whatever cause, and there is pretty much little you can do about it. Some rationales for rejection are permanently not up to you.

Your Responsibility

Others are under your control. Honestly, my ideas and work may sometimes be flawed. They may not resonate and impact, or the message I am trying to express is poorly presented. Alternatively I’m being too similar. Or a part about my punctuation, notably semicolons, was unacceptable.

The key is that, despite all my decades of effort and rejection, I have succeeded in being widely published. I’ve authored multiple works—my first when I was middle-aged, the next, a personal story, at retirement age—and more than 1,000 articles. These works have appeared in publications large and small, in regional, worldwide platforms. My debut commentary was published in my twenties—and I have now written to many places for five decades.

However, no bestsellers, no signings publicly, no spots on TV programs, no Ted Talks, no book awards, no accolades, no Nobel Prize, and no medal. But I can more easily accept no at my age, because my, small achievements have eased the jolts of my setbacks. I can now be thoughtful about it all at this point.

Instructive Rejection

Setback can be educational, but only if you pay attention to what it’s attempting to show. Or else, you will probably just keep seeing denial all wrong. What lessons have I acquired?

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